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Attachment styles and the roles they play in relationships - is a wide spread topic of interest, both in research and in peoples’ personal drives to understand their patterns of thoughts and behaviors. This level of interest is entirely understandable as the different attachment styles in relationships can impact interpersonal interactions in unique ways. Attachment types develop early in life and often remain stable over time. However, this does not mean that they cannot be changed into more secure forms of attachment–it just means that you may need to develop self-awareness through understanding and resolving attachment issues. The first step of this process is to learn how insecure attachment develops and influences thoughts and actions within the important relationships in our lives. How Insecure Attachment Creates Negative Patterns in Relationships Have you wondered why you keep ending up in the same maladaptive relationship situations, even with different partners? Perhaps jealousy and clinginess are frequent behaviors for you, or maybe you’re prone to withdrawing from a relationship once it becomes too emotionally intimate? If you have noticed a pattern of negative and emotionally challenging behaviors in your love life, you might benefit from digging deep and exploring the way you attach to people in intimate relationships. Understanding what attachment styles are and the basics of attachment theory is an important factor in this process. What Are Attachment Styles and How Do They Affect Our Relationships? According to psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, one’s bond with their primary caregivers during childhood has an overarching influence on their future social and intimate relationships–and even their relationships at work. In other words, this early bond creates a template or rules for how you build and interpret relationships as an adult. Bowlby’s work on attachment theory dates back to the 1950s and continues to evolve due to the continuous research based on the subject. Based on attachment theory, 4 attachment styles were identified. The four attachment styles Anxious (also referred to as Preoccupied) Avoidant (also referred to as Dismissive) Disorganized (also referred to as Fearful-Avoidant) Secure From an evolutionary perspective, cultivating strong relationships and maintaining them has both survival and reproductive advantages. For this reason, Bowlby’s work focused on the human desire to seek contact, love, support, and comfort in others–the innate “need to belong” and how it is one of the main driving forces behind individuals’ actions. Yet, despite our need to belong, love and relationships are rarely as perfect and problem-free as we would like them to be, and many interpersonal problems can be traced back to the issues associated with our types of attachment styles. Before getting into the defining characteristics of the four attachment styles, it might be useful to understand how attachment types develop in children. How Attachment types Develop in Childhood In essence, how a primary caregiver (usually parents) acts towards and meets their child’s needs forms the foundations for how the child perceives and acts within close relationships. The reason for this is that a child is dependent on their caregivers and seeks comfort, soothing, and support from them. If these caregivers offer a warm and caring environment, and are attuned to the child’s physical and emotional needs–even when these needs are not clearly expressed–the child becomes securely attached. On the other hand, misattunement on behalf of caregivers towards their child’s physical and emotional needs is likely to lead to insecure attachment. It may be worth noting that caregiver misattunement may not be intentional, but the child still perceives them as not meeting their needs. Which attachment style do you have? Each of the 4 attachment styles has its own typical traits and characteristics. Yet, a person may not necessarily 100% fit into a single category; attachment is a spectrum and you may not match “the profile” of a specific style exactly. However, the aim of self-awareness is to identify unhealthy behaviors and understand what you might need to work on in order to improve your love life–which understanding traits of each attachment type and how they develop can facilitate. How does each of the four attachment types manifest in adults? 1. Anxious / Preoccupied Adults with an anxious attachment style tend to have a negative self-view, but a positive view of others. This means that they may view their partner as their literal “better half.” Because someone with this attachment style deems themselves to be less worthy of love in comparison to other people, the thought of living without their partner (or being alone in general) causes high levels of anxiety. In other words, they deeply fear abandonment. To ease this fear of abandonment, people with the anxious attachment style strongly desire security within relationships, and attention, care, and responsiveness from a partner tends to be the “remedy” for their feelings of anxiety. On the other hand, the perceived absence of support and intimacy can lead someone with the anxious attachment style to become more clinging and demanding, preoccupied with the relationship, and desperate for reassurance that they are loved. In a nutshell, people with this attachment style value their relationships highly, but are often hypervigilant towards threats to their security, as well as anxious and worried that their loved one is not as invested in the relationship as they are. Want to know more about anxious attachment? Explore this attachment style by topic: Anxious Attachment in relationships guide Anxious Ambivalent Attachment (how anxious attachment develops in childhood) Self-regulation tips for anxious attachment (know your triggers and how to manage them) Attachment in the workplace The superpowers of adults with anxious attachment 2. Avoidant / Dismissive People with the avoidant/dismissive attachment style tend to have a positive self-view and negative one of others. Consequently, they prefer to foster a high sense of independence and self-sufficiency–especially on an emotional level. Someone with the avoidant attachment style tends to believe that they don’t have to be in a relationship to feel complete: They do not want to depend on others, have others depend on them, or seek support and approval in social bonds. Adults with this attachment style generally avoid intimacy or emotional closeness, so may withdraw from a relationship if they feel like the other person is becoming reliant on them in this manner. They also tend to hide or suppress their feelings when faced with a potentially emotion-dense situation, such as conflict. Want to know more about avoidant attachment? Explore this attachment style by topic: Self-regulation tips for avoidant attachment (know your triggers and how to manage them) Avoidant attachment and dating Avoidant attachment style and relationships The superpowers of adults with avoidant attachment 3. Disorganized / Fearful-Avoidant People with the disorganized attachment style tend to vacillate between the traits of both anxious and avoidant attachment depending on their mood and circumstances. For this reason, someone with this attachment style tends to show confusing and ambiguous behaviors in their social bonds. For adults with disorganized attachment, the partner and the relationship themselves are often the source of both desire and fear. On the one hand, fearful-avoidant people do want intimacy and closeness, but on the other hand, experience troubles trusting and depending on others. People with this attachment style often struggle with identifying and regulating their emotions and tend to avoid strong emotional attachment due to their intense fear of getting hurt. Want to know more about disorganized attachment? Explore this attachment style by topic: Fearful-Avoidant Attachment (how disorganized attachment develops in childhood) Self-regulation tips for adults with disorganized attachment Attachment in the bedroom Attachment in the workplace The superpowers of disorganized attachment 4. Secure Attachment The three attachment styles covered so far (anxious, avoidant, and disorganized) are insecure attachment styles, so they are characterized by difficulties with cultivating and maintaining healthy relationships. In contrast, the secure attachment style implies that a person is comfortable expressing emotions openly. Therefore, adults with a secure attachment style can depend on their partners and, in turn, let their partners rely on them. Relationships with someone with a secure attachment style are based on honesty, tolerance, and emotional closeness. Although someone with this attachment style often thrives in their relationships, they also don’t fear being on their own. Secure attachers tend to have a positive view of themselves and others, so they do not overly seek external approval or validation–they can successfully identify and regulate their emotions, and even help a partner do so with theirs. Want to know more about secure attachment? Explore this attachment style by topic: Secure Attachment in childhood (the five conditions required) Attachment in the bedroom Attachment in the workplace . Where do you stand? Now that you are acquainted with the four adult attachment styles, you probably have an idea of which one your actions and beliefs lean towards. Although it is completely normal to recognize features of one or more types of attachment in your history of romantic relationships, it’s important to remember that attachment types can change with major life events, or even with different partners. For example, an insecurely attached individual could form a secure bond when they have a securely attached partner. On the other hand, it’s also possible for someone with a secure attachment style to develop unhealthy relationship behaviors after experiencing trauma or losing a loved one. So, many people do not “fit” completely into one specific profile. When to Worry About Your Attachment Style? Chances are that many of us don’t fully identify with the traits of secure attachment. Even if we think we have stable relationships, there might be patterns in our behavior that keep bothering us or making us stressed or unhappy. Unfortunately, some of us will recognize ourselves in the traits of one of the three insecure attachment types. If you identify with one of the insecure attachment styles in relationships, it is highly recommended that you actively address the issue through increasing self-awareness, working on self-development, and if necessary, seeking psychological help. If left unaddressed, strongly expressed insecure and unstable attachment types can cause anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. Here’s the thing: Struggling is simply not necessary, as there are many ways to heal and recover from attachment disturbances. Are you: Tired of struggling in relationship after relationship? Clingy or needy towards a partner? Struggling to regulate negative emotions? Shut down to expressions of intimacy and affection? Feeling unworthy of love and attention? Fed up with anxiety over whether your partner loves you in return? Ready to learn how to tolerate emotional intimacy and start trusting and relying on people? Working with a therapist on patterns of insecure behaviors would potentially be the most beneficial way to earn secure attachment. However, many people are not able to avail of one-to-one services due to financial, time, or personal constraints. For this reason, we developed Attachment Styles Workbooks and an Emotions & Self Growth Guide to help you overcome attachment insecurity. Attachment security doesn’t have to be a distant dream or unachieveable wish: You can achieve a secure attachment style through psychoeducation, self-awareness, and self-growth. We at The Attachment Project are here to support you on this journey. If you prefer to go the route of a workbook, we recently released our first series of attachment style digital workbooks. Attachment Style Digital Workbooks If you’d like to use attachment theory to build better and more secure relationships with everyone around you, our workbooks are the perfect place to start!

Dalai Lama's Top 10 Rules Brief Biography of Dalai Lama His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, describes himself as a simple Buddhist monk. He is the spiritual leader of Tibet. He was born on 6 July 1935, to a farming family, in a small hamlet located in Taktser, Amdo, northeastern Tibet. At the age of two, the child, then named Lhamo Dhondup, was recognized as the reincarnation of the previous 13th Dalai Lama, Thubten Gyatso. Dalai Lama's Top 10 Rules. The Dalai Lamas are believed to be manifestations of Avalokiteshvara or Chenrezig, the Bodhisattva of Compassion and the patron saint of Tibet. Bodhisattvas are realized beings inspired by a wish to attain Buddhahood for the benefit of all sentient beings, who have vowed to be reborn in the world to help humanity. Education in Tibet His Holiness began his monastic education at the age of six. The curriculum, derived from the Nalanda tradition, consisted of five major and five minor subjects. The major subjects included logic, fine arts, Sanskrit grammar, and medicine, but the greatest emphasis was given to Buddhist philosophy which was further divided into a further five categories: Prajnaparamita, the perfection of wisdom; Madhyamika, the philosophy of the middle Way; Vinaya, the canon of monastic discipline; Abidharma, metaphysics; and Pramana, logic and epistemology. The five minor subjects included poetry, drama, astrology, composition and synonyms. At 23, His Holiness sat for his final examination in Lhasa’s Jokhang Temple, during the annual Great Prayer Festival (Monlam Chenmo) in 1959. He passed with honors and was awarded the Geshe Lharampa degree, equivalent to the highest doctorate in Buddhist philosophy. Leadership Responsibilities In 1950, after China's invasion of Tibet, His Holiness was called upon to assume full political power. In 1954, he went to Beijing and met with Mao Zedong and other Chinese leaders, including Deng Xiaoping and Chou Enlai. Finally, in 1959, following the brutal suppression of the Tibetan national uprising in Lhasa by Chinese troops, His Holiness was forced to escape into exile. Since then he has been living in Dharamsala, northern India. In exile, the Central Tibetan Administration led by His Holiness appealed to the United Nations to consider the question of Tibet. The General Assembly adopted three resolutions on Tibet in 1959, 1961 and 1965. Democratization Process In 1963, His Holiness presented a draft democratic constitution for Tibet , followed by a number of reforms to democratize the Tibetan administration. The new democratic constitution was named "The Charter of Tibetans in Exile". The charter enshrines freedom of speech, belief, assembly and movement. It also provides detailed guidelines on the functioning of the Tibetan Administration with respect to Tibetans living in exile. In 1992, the Central Tibetan Administration published guidelines for the constitution of a future, free Tibet. It proposed that when Tibet becomes free the first task will be to set up an interim government whose immediate responsibility will be to elect a constitutional assembly to frame and adopt a democratic constitution for Tibet. His Holiness has made clear his hopes that a future Tibet, comprising the three traditional provinces of U-Tsang, Amdo and Kham, will be federal and democratic. In May 1990, as a result of His Holiness’s reforms the Tibetan administration in exile was fully democratized. The Tibetan Cabinet (Kashag), which until then had been appointed by His Holiness, was dissolved along with the Tenth Assembly of the Tibetan People's Deputies (the Tibetan parliament in exile). In the same year, exiled Tibetans living in India and more than 33 other countries elected 46 members to an expanded Eleventh Tibetan Assembly on a one-person one-vote basis. That Assembly then elected the members of a new cabinet. In September 2001, in a further step towards democratization the Tibetan electorate directly elected the Kalon Tripa, the Chairman of the Cabinet. The Kalon Tripa appointed his own cabinet who then had to be approved by the Tibetan Assembly. This was the first time in Tibet's long history, that the people had elected their political leaders. Since the direct election of the Kalon Tripa, the custom by which the Dalai Lamas, through the institution of the Ganden Phodrang, have held temporal as well as spiritual authority in Tibet, has come to an end. Since 2011, when he devolved his political authority to the elected leadership, His Holiness has described himself as retired. Peace Initiatives On 21 September 1987 in an address to members of the United States Congress in Washington, DC, His Holiness proposed a Five-Point Peace Plan for Tibet as a first step towards a peaceful solution of the worsening situation in Tibet. The five points of the plan were as follows: Transformation of the whole of Tibet into a zone of peace. Abandonment of China's population transfer policy that threatens the very existence of the Tibetans as a people. Respect for the Tibetan people's fundamental human rights and democratic freedoms. Restoration and protection of Tibet's natural environment and the abandonment of China's use of Tibet for the production of nuclear weapons and dumping of nuclear waste. Commencement of earnest negotiations on the future status of Tibet and of relations between the Tibetan and Chinese peoples. On 15 June 1988, in an address to members of the European Parliament in Strasbourg, His Holiness further elaborated on the last point of the Five-Point Peace Plan. He proposed talks between the Chinese and Tibetans leading to a self-governing democratic political entity for all three provinces of Tibet. This entity would be in association with the People's Republic of China and the Chinese Government would continue to be responsible for Tibet's foreign policy and defence. Universal Recognition His Holiness the Dalai Lama is a man of peace. In 1989 he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his non-violent struggle for the liberation of Tibet. He has consistently advocated policies of non-violence, even in the face of extreme aggression. He also became the first Nobel Laureate to be recognized for his concern for global environmental problems. His Holiness has travelled to more than 67 countries spanning 6 continents. He has received over 150 awards, honorary doctorates, prizes, etc., in recognition of his message of peace, non-violence, inter-religious understanding, universal responsibility and compassion. He has also authored or co-authored more than 110 books. His Holiness has held discussions with heads of different religions and participated in many events promoting inter-religious harmony and understanding. Since the mid-1980s, His Holiness has engaged in a dialogue with modern scientists, mainly in the fields of psychology, neurobiology, quantum physics and cosmology. This has led to a historic collaboration between Buddhist monks and world-renowned scientists in trying to help individuals achieve peace of mind. It has also resulted in the addition of modern science to the traditional curriculum of Tibetan monastic institutions re-established in exile. Political Retirement On 14 March 2011 His Holiness wrote to the Assembly of Tibetan People's Deputies (Tibetan Parliament-in-exile) requesting it to relieve him of his temporal authority, since according to the Charter of the Tibetans in Exile, he was technically still the head of state. He announced that he was ending the custom by which the Dalai Lamas had wielded spiritual and political authority in Tibet. He intended, he made clear, to resume the status of the first four Dalai Lamas in concerning himself only with spiritual affairs. He confirmed that the democratically elected leadership would assume complete formal responsibility for Tibetan political affairs. The formal office and household of the Dalai Lamas, the Gaden Phodrang, would henceforth only fulfil that function. On 29 May 2011 His Holiness signed the document formally transferring his temporal authority to the democratically elected leader. In so doing he formally put an end to the 368-year old tradition of the Dalai Lamas functioning as both the spiritual and temporal head of Tibet. The Future As far back as 1969, His Holiness made clear that whether or not a reincarnation of the Dalai Lama should be recognised was a decision for the Tibetan people, the Mongolians and people of the Himalayan regions to make. However, in the absence of clear guidelines, there was a clear risk that, should the concerned public express a strong wish to recognise a future Dalai Lama, vested interests could exploit the situation for political ends. Therefore, on 24 September 2011, clear guidelines for the recognition of the next Dalai Lama were published, leaving no room for doubt or deception. His Holiness has declared that when he is about ninety years old he will consult leading Lamas of Tibet’s Buddhist traditions, the Tibetan public, and other concerned people with an interest in Tibetan Buddhism, and assess whether the institution of the Dalai Lama should continue after him. His statement also explored the different ways in which the recognition of a successor could be done. If it is decided that a Fifteenth Dalai Lama should be recognized, responsibility for doing so will rest primarily on the concerned officers of the Dalai Lama’s Gaden Phodrang Trust. They should consult the various heads of the Tibetan Buddhist traditions and the reliable oath-bound Dharma Protectors who are linked inseparably to the lineage of the Dalai Lamas. They should seek advice and direction from these concerned parties and carry out the procedures of search and recognition in accordance with their instruction. His Holiness has stated that he will leave clear written instructions about this. He further warned that apart from a reincarnation recognized through such legitimate methods, no recognition or acceptance should be given to a candidate chosen for political ends by anyone, including agents of the People’s Republic of China.

Sadhguru One Important Cause of Anxiety Disorder What is the main cause of anxiety disorders? Difficult experiences in childhood, adolescence or adulthood are a common trigger for anxiety problems. Going through stress and trauma when you're very young is likely to have a particularly big impact. Experiences which can trigger anxiety problems include things like: physical or emotional abuse. 7 Causes of Anxiety Examples of other anxiety disorders include: Agoraphobia Panic disorder Separation anxiety disorder Social anxiety disorder (social phobia) Specific phobias According to the Mayo Clinic, you can have more than one anxiety disorder. Research shows that a combination of environmental and genetic factors likely increase a person’s risk for developing an anxiety disorder, notes the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Like so many health conditions, anxiety appears to run in families. Anxiety may be caused by stress, whether from a major life event or the accumulated effect of small everyday stressors. Anxiety can also come with medical conditions, such as heart disease, diabetes, asthma, or thyroid disorders, that need treatment. There’s a clear link between caffeine and anxiety, and also alcohol and anxiety. And certain medications may cause anxiety. In this case, avoiding caffeine and alcohol or changing medications may reduce the anxiety. It’s important to note that while all these things (medications, substances, stress) can cause anxious feelings, they may involve different medical diagnoses. Some anxiety is normal, but if you suffer from severe anxiety or are worrying too much, it’s important to talk with a mental health specialist about your symptoms. Psychologists focus more on psychotherapy and are not medical doctors. Psychiatrists are medical doctors who specialize in mental health treatment. Both psychologists and psychiatrists can diagnose and treat anxiety disorders with psychotherapy, and psychiatrists can also prescribe medications. Psychologists in a few states may have the ability to prescribe medication, but this is not common or widespread. Additionally, if you have anxiety with suicidal thoughts, seek emergency medical treatment immediately or call 988. Could any of the following be causing your anxiety? 1. Heart Problems Can Cause Anxiety If you’ve ever had a panic attack, you’re familiar with the way your hands get clammy, you can’t catch your breath — and your heart feels like it’s going to pound right out of your chest. While a panic attack is not a heart attack, there’s a relationship between heart problems and anxiety. Indeed, about 5 percent of American adults have generalized anxiety disorder, but the incidence is higher in people diagnosed with coronary artery disease (11 percent) or with heart failure (13 percent), according to research from 2016. Evidence also shows that anxiety can be brought on after a heart attack, stroke, or heart failure, notes the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). The connection appears to go both ways: People who experience long-term anxiety may experience increased heart rate and blood pressure, reduced blood flow to the heart, and heightened levels of the stress hormone cortisol — over time, all this can lead to heart problems, says the CDC. 2. Anxiety Disorders Are Linked to Alcohol and Drugs There is a strong link between alcohol and anxiety. Research shows that people with anxiety disorders are 2 to 3 times more likely to have problems with drugs and alcohol at some point in their lives than the general population. But that’s not all: Alcohol and drugs can often cause panic attacks, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA). People with social anxiety, in particular, may turn to alcohol in order to lessen their symptoms, but alcohol can actually make anxiety worse. About 20 percent of people with social anxiety disorder also have an alcohol or substance abuse disorder, notes the ADAA. No matter which problem comes first, the combination of drugs, alcohol, and anxiety can become a vicious cycle. 3. Caffeine and Anxiety Make You Feel Jittery and Nervous Caffeine is a stimulant — and that can be bad news for someone with anxiety. Caffeine’s jittery effects on your body are similar to those of a frightening event. That’s because caffeine stimulates your “fight or flight” response, according to a 2006 study, and research from 2018 has shown that this can make anxiety worse and can even trigger an anxiety attack. Other research suggests that while caffeine can increase alertness, attention, and cognitive function, overdoing it can increase anxiety, particularly in people with panic disorder and social anxiety disorder. And as with the symptoms of anxiety, one too many cups of joe may leave you feeling nervous and moody, and can keep you up at night. 4. Medications Can Trigger an Anxiety Attack Certain medications have some ugly side effects — and can cause anxiety symptoms or an anxiety attack. Prescription medications to watch out for include thyroid drugs and asthma drugs, while over-the-counter decongestants have been known to cause anxiety symptoms in some people. If you suddenly stop taking certain medications sometimes used to treat anxiety, such as benzodiazepines, withdrawal may cause added anxiety. 5. Weight Loss Supplements Can Have Anxiety-Producing Side Effects Many over-the-counter (OTC) weight loss supplements come with anxiety-producing side effects. Use of St. John’s wort may lead to insomnia, and green tea extracts (which claim to suppress appetite) contain plenty of caffeine. Guarana, an ingredient in some OTC diet products, can contain up to 4 times as much caffeine as coffee beans. And beware of any product containing ephedra — it can cause increased heart rate and anxiety. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) banned the sale of dietary supplements containing ephedra in 2004. 6. Are Anxiety Symptoms Related to Your Thyroid Gland? The thyroid is a butterfly-shaped gland in the front of your neck that produces thyroid hormones. These hormones are important for regulating your metabolism and energy levels. But if your thyroid produces too much, it can cause anxiety symptoms, such as nervousness, irritability, heart palpitations, and sleeplessness. Hypothyroidism (in which your thyroid produces too little of the needed hormones) has also been linked to anxiety disorders. If you have anxiety symptoms along with swelling in your neck, weight loss, weakness, fatigue, or heat intolerance, ask your doctor to check your thyroid gland. 7. Stress Can Worsen Anxiety Symptoms Stress and anxiety often go hand in hand — stress can be what causes anxiety symptoms, and anxiety can make stress worse. When you’re overly tense, you may also turn to other behaviors that make anxiety worse, such as smoking, abuse of drugs, or abuse of alcohol. Remember that stress and anxiety are often accompanied by physical symptoms, such as stomachache, headache, dry mouth, dizziness, and sweating. If you have unexplained symptoms of anxiety, talk with your doctor. Anxiety disorders are treatable.

Gurudev Where is God? Is he a celestial figure sitting high up in the heavens? What can we do to get closer to God? Gurudev shares deep and profound wisdom that will transform your perception of God! God sees His entire creation in its place in the universe: His perspective is unbounded by time or place. But God also has a much closer perspective on individual lives. He knows our circumstances, trials and failings. He longs to have a relationship with us that we might know Him.

Psychedelics causing unusually strong experiences of color, sound, smell, taste, and touch, and other mental effects such as feelings of deep understanding or hallucination (= imagining things that do not exist) Voiceclub is a Melbourne-based podcast on psychedelics and philosophy that’s worth digging into. In addition to regular audio podcasts, Voiceclub is now producing excellent video snippets on its Youtube channel. The latest video discusses the danger of psychedelics through the lens of Carl Jung. From the video: In a letter he wrote in 1954, C. G. Jung said he was “profoundly mistrustful of the pure ‘gifts of the gods'” such as mescaline, saying that “you pay very dearly for them.” Elaborating, he writes: Of course, that is exactly what attracts some of us to the psychedelic experience — to get a behind-the-scenes glimpse of reality, or at least of our own minds. Jung talks more about delving into the collective unconscious, and why, in his view, it is a mistake to tread lightly into the world of dream and reverie using psychedelic tools. So what do you think — is Jung onto something here? Or, as someone who had not tried mescaline and other psychedelics, was he speaking out of turn about something he did not really understand?

What makes therapy work? Is there some elusive combination of words that will help a client overcome depression? Or more realistically, is there a series of research-based techniques and strategies that can be strung together to heal emotional wounds? While the right techniques and research-based interventions are valuable, there are a few less tangible aspects of psychotherapy that are more strongly connected to positive treatment outcomes. When researchers study therapists, as opposed to studying a specific type of treatment, they come up with some interesting data. One study found that an effective therapist, as compared to a less effective therapist, has a more powerful impact on treatment outcome than whether or not a client receives medication (7). Surprisingly, clinical experience has little importance. Therapists who have been practicing for 15 years don't have greater success with clients than those who have only been in the field for 2 years (6). Additionally, as long as a therapeutic intervention has at least moderate research support, it doesn't really matter which one you choose (2, 6). What's more important is that you—the therapist—believe it will work. We've compiled a list of traits that the most effective psychotherapists possess. Take a look. Ability to develop a strong relationship. Ah, the foundation of therapy: the relationship. Research has consistently shown that a strong relationship might be therapeutic in itself, regardless of intervention type (3). Many of the traits found in the most effective therapists are related to their ability to create a strong therapeutic alliance. Without a strong relationship, clients are unlikely to believe in the efficacy of their therapist's interventions, they may be dishonest or unwilling to share personal feelings, and they are less likely to complete therapy. Just to bring this point home: One study found that patients with moderate to severe psychiatric symptoms were three times more likely to complete treatment when they reported having a strong therapeutic alliance (5). Empathic relationship style. Several signals of empathy—including warmth, friendliness, understanding, and affirmation of emotions—are closely related to building a strong therapeutic alliance. Similarly, clients report having the best relationships with therapists who display genuine interest during session (usually evidenced by enthusiasm), and those who show respect (6). I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise that cold, aloof, and condescending therapists don't fare as well as those who present themselves as nurturing and empathetic. Flexible use of treatments. When it comes to psychotherapy, one size does not fit all. The most effective therapists recognize this, and they adapt their interventions to fit with their clients' personality, needs, and preferences. Clients who do not feel confident about their therapist's style of intervention are far less likely to complete treatment. Flexible therapists tend to initiate discussion about a client's preferences, and they accommodate them whenever possible. When a client's preferences are not reasonable, or not in their best interest, the therapist will provide education to help their client make a more informed choice. Ability to communicate effectively. Psychotherapy consists almost entirely of conversation, so it makes sense that effective communication is a key trait of a good therapist. Therapists are regularly tasked with describing complicated theoretical models (and most importantly, how these models are relevant to the client), intangible symptoms, and with fostering open communication. Effective communication isn't just about the ability to explain something. It's about checking in with a client and asking how they feel about treatment. It's about maintaining an open dialogue, and creating an atmosphere where everyone feels comfortable enough to speak openly about difficult topics. Therapists who are ineffective communicators are less likely to check in with their clients and their interventions have worse fit. Confidence in therapy. When a therapist expresses confidence in a client and their ability to be successful in therapy, they are much more likely to have a successful outcome. A therapist's confidence can be expressed either explicitly ("I am confident that you can get better"), or inexplicitly (showing enthusiasm for treatment or discussing a history of past success). Effective therapists regularly point out a client's successes, and ways in which a client has progressed in therapy. When a therapist shows a lack of confidence in their treatment, why should a client believe it will work? Clients who are not confident in their therapist are less likely to follow through with recommended interventions, and they are less likely to have a positive treatment outcome. This is actually the one area where a clinician's experience has been found to have an impact on treatment (clients tend to have more confidence in experienced practitioners). Continuing education and reliance on research. You might remember that earlier in this article, I mentioned that the type of therapeutic intervention has little impact on treatment outcome, as long as it has at least moderate research support. I want to emphasize the "at least moderate research support" part of that sentence. All treatments are not equal. Therapists who are up-to-date on research, and those who use research-based interventions, are far more successful than those who do not. Quack treatments do not create lasting change. That being said, as long as a therapist uses a research-based intervention, it doesn't really matter which one they use. Outcomes are the same across interventions. Summary In summary, effective psychotherapy relies on a number of factors that are not typically considered in research. In many cases, the therapeutic relationship and personal traits of the therapist are more important than the type of intervention. That being said, the traits I described above are not rules set in stone. There are therapists who are not all that personable, but they are still effective. There are therapists who aren't a good fit for most people, but they're the perfect for a select few. Don't be discouraged if these guidelines are not an exact reflection of yourself. If you would like to learn more about this topic, I highly recommend picking up Psychotherapy Relationships that Work: Evidence-Based Responsiveness by John C. Norcross.

Alan Watts Don't Force Anything Who is Alan Watts? A prolific author and speaker, Alan Watts was one of the first to interpret Eastern wisdom for a Western audience. Don't Force Anything - Born outside London in 1915, he discovered the nearby Buddhist Lodge at a young age. After moving to the United States in 1938, Alan became an Episcopal priest for a time, and then relocated to Millbrook, New York, where he wrote his pivotal book The Wisdom of Insecurity: A Message for an Age of Anxiety. In 1951 he moved to San Francisco where he began teaching Buddhist studies, and in 1956 began his popular radio show, “Way Beyond the West.” By the early sixties, Alan’s radio talks aired nationally and the counterculture movement adopted him as a spiritual spokesperson. He wrote and traveled regularly until his passing in 1973. “Perhaps the foremost interpreter of Eastern disciplines for the contemporary West, Alan Watts had the rare gift of ‘writing beautifully the un-writable’. Watts begins with scholarship and intellect and proceeds with art and eloquence to the frontiers of the spirit. A fascinating entry into the deepest ways of knowing.” — LA Times The Early Years (1915-1938) Alan Wilson Watts was born on January 6, 1915 in the countryside near London, England. From a young age Alan was fascinated by Asian art, literature, and philosophy (his mother’s students were children of missionaries to Asia). His parents recognized his bright and inquiring nature, and encouraged Alan to write. His father, a businessman, would bring Alan to the Buddhist Lodge in London, where as a teenager, Alan became editor for the Lodge’s journal, The Middle Way. In 1932, he produced his first booklet, An Outline of Zen Buddhism, a summary based on the Zen writings of D. T. Suzuki. In 1938, Alan moved to the United States to study Zen in New York, where he soon began lecturing in bookstores and cafes. The Middle Years (1939-1959) In 1940, Alan published The Meaning of Happiness, a book based on his talks. Ironically, the book was issued on the eve of the second World War. After a brief time in New York, Alan moved to Chicago and enrolled at Seabury-Western Theological Seminary, deepening his interest in mystical theology. Alan was ordained as an Episcopal priest in 1944, but by the spring of 1950, Alan’s time as a priest had run its course, and he left the Church and Chicago for upstate New York. There he settled into a small farmhouse outside Millbrook and began writing The Wisdom of Insecurity: A Message for an Age of Anxiety. In early 1951 Alan relocated to San Francisco, where, at Dr. Frederic Spiegelberg’s invitation, he began teaching Buddhism at the American Academy of Asian Studies (which later became the California Institute of Integral Studies). Drawing quite a crowd, his classes at the Academy soon blossomed into evening lectures open to the public and spilled over to local coffee houses frequented by Beat poets and writers. Alan’s career took to the airwaves in 1953, when he accepted a Saturday evening slot on Berkeley’s KPFA radio station. That year he began a broadcast series titled “The Great Books of Asia” followed in 1956 by “Way Beyond the West” — which proved to be quite popular with Bay Area audiences. Re-broadcast on Sunday mornings, the show later aired on KPFK in Los Angeles as well, beginning the longest-running public radio series — nearly 60 years at this writing. The Later Years (1960 to 1973) By the mid-fifties a “Zen Boom” was underway as Beat intellectuals in San Francisco and New York began celebrating and assimilating the esoteric qualities of Eastern religion into an emerging worldview that was later dubbed “the counterculture” of the 1960’s. Following the 1966 publication of The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are, which sold very well, requests for appearances poured in. Alan lectured at colleges throughout the U.S. and conducted seminars at fledging “growth centers” across the country, such as the world-renowned Esalen Institute of Big Sur, California. Broadcasts of his talks continued at KPFA and KPFK, and spread east to WBAI in New York and WBUR in Boston. The weekly shows attracted a wide audience and Alan became an important figure in the counterculture movement. As the movement gathered steam, the San Francisco Bay Area became a hotbed for radical politics, and a focal point of interest in Far Eastern ideas of enlightenment and liberation. The growing movement united civil rights activists, antiwar protesters, and members of the Free Speech movement, drawing thousands of young people to the Bay Area in 1967. After his stirring performance at a “Zenefit” for the San Francisco Zen Center, and a celebrated article on “Changes” in the Oracle alternative newspaper, Alan soon became recognized as a spiritual figurehead of the revolutionary movement. (Recorded at the Avalon Ballroom on April 6, 1967, Alan’s Zenefit lecture is titled Zen Bones.) By the late-sixties Alan was living on a ferryboat in Sausalito in a waterfront community of bohemians, artists, and other cultural renegades. Alan’s ferryboat soon became such a popular destination that to maintain his focus on writing, he moved into a cabin on the nearby slopes of Mount Tamalpais. There he became part of the Druid Heights artist community in the late sixties. Continuing to travel on lecture tours into the early seventies, Alan was increasingly drawn to life on the mountain, where he wrote his mountain journals (later published as Cloud Hidden, Whereabouts Unknown), penned his monograph The Art of Contemplation, worked on his autobiography In My Own Way, and wrote his final book, Tao: The Watercourse Way. However, soon after returning from a whirlwind lecture tour that took him through the U.S., Canada, and European, Alan passed away in his sleep on November 16, 1973, on the mountain he loved. Of life on the mountain, he wrote: “I was filled with that odd sensation the Japanese call yugen: watching wild geese fly and being hidden in the clouds; watching a ship vanish behind the distant island. I feel in some sense that I have lived on this mountain, that the experiences, the meetings, the goodbyes, the smell of food wafting through the trees, encountering wandering mystics on the many wiggly paths to the summit are all a fundamental and basic part of my makeup, which, in a certain sense of the word ‘me,’ they are. When I close my eyes I see faint images of light through the leaves, of cabins and their interiors full of Aztec hangings, singing bowls, prayer rattles, Eastern art, dresses and instruments and strange furnishings. There are some places that seem to, through a collective upsurging in creative joy, find their way to a spot outside of time and from there send waves rippling up against the shores of our own slices of the here and now.” – Alan Watts

Addiction: a disease involving continued use of a substance despite serious substance-related problems, such as loss of control over use, health problems, or negative social consequences.

our mind has three states: The reasonable mind, the emotional mind, and the wise mind. Everyone possesses each of these states, but most people gravitate toward a specific one most of the time. Wise mind is the point of overlap between emotion and reasonable mind , like on the Venn diagram. Wise mind is part reason and part emotion and what makes you know you're in this mind is often a sense of intuition. It can sometimes be described as that 'aha' moment. ​The emotional mind is used when feelings control a person’s thoughts and behavior. They might act impulsively with little regard for consequences. ​The wise mind refers to a balance between the reasonable and emotional halves. They are able to recognize and respect their feelings, while responding to them in a rational manner. ​A person uses their reasonable mind when they approach a situation intellectually. They plan and make decisions based on fact. Describe an experience you’ve had with each of the three states of mind. ​Reasonable ​ ​Emotional ​ ​Wise ​

Resilience “When you fall off a horse, get back on.” “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” These quotes sound nice, but might leave you wondering: How? How do I get back on the horse, make lemonade, or try again? The answer lies in resilience. Resilience means using inner strength to work through and grow from challenges and crises. This is what allows a person to “bounce back” after anything from a minor rejection to a major life setback. No one is born resilient—it's a learned skill. With practice, anyone can become resilient. More than anything, resilience comes from mindset. By controlling how you think about a situation, you can control how you respond to it. Read on to learn four mindset-oriented strategies for building resilience. Focus on What You Can Control During times of crisis, it’s common to feel overwhelmed and powerless. It may feel like everything is out of control, and there’s nothing you can do. For this reason, it’s beneficial to recognize that there are things within your control. Resilience comes from managing the things within your control while accepting the things you cannot control. Acceptance won’t necessarily come easily, but you can work toward it. For example, practicing mindfulness can help you accept things as they are, without trying to change them or push them away. Focusing on what you can control is a skill, and the more you practice, the better you will get. Adopt a Growth Mindset There are countless ways to view the events in your life. Depending on the perspective you take, the same situation might carry completely different meanings. Resilience comes from viewing hardships as opportunities for growth. This mindset is developed by looking for the upside of difficult situations—even when that is hard to do. This doesn’t mean you see the situation as entirely positive (or even mostly positive). Instead, you recognize there are at least some positive things you can take from the situation. Face Your Fears When facing a crisis, it’s natural to want to avoid the uncomfortable feelings that come with it. For example, after losing a job, it might feel bad to reflect on your mistakes, or to share the bad news with loved ones. Skipping these steps means not having to face discomfort... for now. In the long run, avoidance leaves the root problems unresolved, allowing them to grow or recur. Confronting difficult experiences is key to developing resilience. Being present to your difficult experience—rather than pushing it away—gives you the chance to work through problems. The more you practice confronting challenges, the more confidence you gain in facing similar challenges in the future. Discover Your Values Think of the most meaningful moments in your life. ... Think of the moments you felt the least satisfied. ... Pay attention to what stories inspire you. ... Figure out what makes you angry. ... Imagine your ideal environment. ... Review the accomplishments you're most proud of. Values are the things that are most important to you in life. Understanding your values can help build resilience. When you’re just going through the motions and doing things without passion, it’s easy to throw in the towel as soon as things get difficult. In contrast, when you know what you’re fighting for, you’re better equipped to push through even the most challenging situations. To discover your values, consider times you felt happy, focused, or energized. What did these situations have in common? What values does this reveal? Use your values to motivate you through future challenges. Summary Resilience is about working through challenges and coming out even stronger. You can develop resilience by focusing on what you can control, adopting a growth mindset, facing your fears, and defining your values.

Before being used for treatment, medicines undergo years of testing. In the United States, the Food and Drug administration requires several levels of research that investigate the effectiveness and the potential harm of a new drug. Traditionally, therapy has not been held to these same standards. While tests of psychotherapy efficacy are common, studies of the dangers are rare. Despite the recent push for empirically supported therapies, clinicians still have the ability to apply treatments with little or no scientific basis. Research of psychotherapy rarely examines what doesn't work, and more importantly, what might hurt. In a 2007 paper, Scott O. Lilienfeld tackled this problem by asking the question: "What psychological treatments cause harm?" Below are some of his findings. Outcome studies of psychotherapy indicate that 3 to 10% of clients actually fare worse after treatment. In substance abuse treatment, these numbers are as high as 10 to 15%. These harmful effects include the worsening of symptoms, dependency on the therapist, the development of new symptoms, and a reluctance to seek future treatment. Crisis Counseling (Sometimes) How Crisis Counselors Help People Coping With Trauma Interventions immediately following a traumatic event frequently do the exact opposite of what is intended–they increase the likelihood of a client developing symptoms of PTSD. During crisis counseling clients are often asked to "process" their emotions, which may result in over-focusing on the negative and dramaticizing the events. Even when clients report that the intervention has been helpful, objective measures indicate a worsening of symptoms. Recovered Memory Techniques Recovered-memory therapy (RMT) is a catch-all term for a controversial and scientifically discredited form of psychotherapy that critics say utilizes one or more unproven therapeutic techniques (such as psychoanalysis, hypnosis, journaling, past life regression, guided imagery, and the use of sodium amytal interviews) Science-Backed Memory Tips and Recall Techniques Hypnosis, guided imagery, and the repeated questioning of memories may result in the development of false memories. In several high-profile cases clients have unintentionally created false memories of traumatic sexual abuse and even alien abductions. Other consequences of these treatments have included significant increases in suicidal ideation and psychiatric hospitalizations. Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)-Oriented Psychotherapy Treatment for Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) often follows a practice-based psychodynamic psychotherapy approach that is conducted in three phases: symptom stabilization, trauma processing, and identity integration and rehabilitation. What Is Dissociative Identity Disorder: Signs and Causes In DID-oriented therapy clients are asked to bring forward their many different personalities. Hypnosis and other techniques are sometimes used to allow each personality to meet, and clients are encouraged to leave messages to be shared between personalities. Unfortunately, research indicates that these techniques may result in the development of additional new personalities. Additionally, some clients experience symptoms such as suicidal ideation and self-harm only when they have taken on alternative personalities. Grief Counseling for Normal Bereavement What Is Grief Counseling? Techniques and How It Helps Studies indicate that therapy for grief should be reserved for cases of long lasting grief and grief triggered by sudden or unexpected deaths. In cases of regular grief, therapy has been found to result in negative outcomes for about half of all participants. Expressive-Experiential Therapies Experiential therapy Experiential therapy is a category of therapeutic techniques in which expressive tools and activities—such as role-playing or acting, props, arts and crafts, music, animal care, guided imagery, or various forms of recreation—are used to allow clients to re-enact and re-experience emotional situations from their past or their relationships. Treatments that focus on experiencing or releasing powerful emotions can be helpful for some, but harmful for others. This form of emotional catharsis has been found to result in an increase of negative emotion rather than a reduction. These findings are similar to those indicating that catharsis for anger, such as punching a pillow, results in even more anger. Other Harmful Treatments Can psychological treatments be harmful?

Have you ever watched a movie that really made you feel something? Maybe you’ve felt fear while the camera creeps down a dark hallway, anger when the villain gets his way, or joy when everything turns out okay. It seems obvious that movies can make us feel... but why? We aren’t creeping down a dark hallway, and the victory at the end isn’t our own. The answer is actually very simple. Being in a dark hallway does not cause fear. It’s what you think about being in a dark hallway that causes fear. In short: Your thoughts have the power to control your emotions. This is where cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) comes in. During CBT, you will learn to identify thinking patterns in your everyday life that are causing painful emotions or other problems. Then, by developing new thoughts, you will learn to change how you feel. In this article, we'll dive deeper into thoughts, and the role they play in controlling emotions. Introduction to Thoughts It seems intuitive that how you feel is a result of the situations you face. If something “good” happens, you feel happy, excited, or proud. If something “bad” happens, you feel angry, sad, or worried. For example, imagine you are driving on the highway, and another vehicle cuts you off. As a result, you feel angry. It seems to make sense that you are angry because you were cut off. However, if situations truly caused emotions, every person would react to the same situation in the same way. Of course, this is not the case. Some people become angry after being cut off in traffic, while others brush it off. Why is it that two people in the same situation have different emotions? The answer is that situations do not actually cause emotions. There’s a step in between that often goes unnoticed. It’s how you interpret or think about a situation that determines how you feel. Imagine two different people are cut off by hurried drivers, but they both have different thoughts about the situation: As shown in the example, different thoughts lead to different emotions. So, how does all of this happen without you even noticing it? The answer is something called automatic thoughts. Automatic Thoughts Much of the time, thoughts are overlooked because they happen outside of your awareness. When you have the same thoughts over and over, your brain begins to tune them out. These are called automatic thoughts. Automatic thoughts are like a sound you can hear, but don’t usually notice, such as the hum of a refrigerator. To see automatic thoughts in action, think of something you do so frequently that it feels like second nature. For example, when you commute to work or school for the first time, you might need directions. But before long, it will seem as if you are travelling on autopilot. You don’t look up directions or think about each turn—you just do it. The brain’s ability to run on “autopilot” is important, because it frees up resources for other tasks. But there’s a downside, too. When thoughts happen automatically, outside of your awareness, they aren’t assessed for accuracy. Thoughts with inadequate evidence may be accepted as fact. Irrational Thoughts Another trick the brain uses to make sense of the world is guessing. Imagine you text a friend, and they don’t answer for several hours. You don’t know why they haven’t responded, but your brain will probably try to guess. Your brain could guess something mundane, like: “They must be busy at work.” Or it might guess something more extreme, like: “They must be angry at me.” Sometimes these guesses are accurate, but not always. When guesses lack evidence, they are called irrational thoughts. Over time, even irrational thoughts can become automatic. This means thoughts and beliefs that are not true can shape how you feel, and how you behave, without you knowing. Imagine a person who develops the automatic thought: “People do not like me.” This belief begins to color every situation. When a friend doesn’t return a text message, it feels hurtful. When a stranger scowls at them in the grocery store, it feels personal. Even when they receive a compliment, it feels phony or insincere. Of course, these interpretations of each situation aren’t accurate. They’re shaped by irrational thoughts that are happening automatically, outside of awareness. One goal of CBT is to identify and challenge irrational thoughts. After challenging an irrational thought, you will learn to replace it with a new, rational thought. Doing this will improve how you feel and how you act. By replacing irrational thoughts with rational alternatives, your feelings will better match the situation. Generally, this leads to healthier behaviors that result in better outcomes during everyday situations. The importance of thoughts, and how they interact with feelings, is at the foundation of CBT. Going forward, you will learn to notice your thoughts as they’re happening, evaluate them, and change thoughts that are irrational. To learn more about CBT, check out our video: